Quotes
There are four boxes available to citizens to protect their liberty — the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box, which should be employed in that order.
srmalloy
If you can’t be a team player, at least be a shield.
Gregory O’Malley, cs_office projector
I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of bubblegum.
Duke Nukem
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchill
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Unknown
I commend my soul to any god who can find it.
Moist, Going Postal
You might as well call it the “I would rather stab myself in the eye repeatedly with a pencil than pay this, but i have no choice fee” fee.
Unknown
09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0
The famous 16-digit hexadecimal key
20 hours of battery life may sound impressive to you, but I can go 61 hours without sleeping, so yeah, big whoop.
Woot!
In any case, spiders can certainly be respected for what they are. But I’m sorry, if they’re in my territory, I honestly don’t care if they’ve been blessed by Jesus. That fucker will die.
Unknown
<sozo-chan> inability to spell is one of the falw
<sozo-chan> flaw*
<sozo-chan> fucking keyboard
#md@irc.irchighway.net
Openbox is just nifty on a 27″ monitor. It’s like “Hellloooo, screenspace!”
staked on #gentoo@irc.freenode.net
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of backup tapes hurling down the highway.
Andrew S. Tanenbaum
This message has been ROT-13 encrypted twice for extra security.
Unknown
This message has been encrypted with ROT-26.
Krhis
[Disclaimer: Current body uptime: 29.5 hours]
Unknown
Look! It moved! So it can’t be completely dead.
On Slashdot about BSD
When Microsoft Office is your only hammer, pretty much everything begins to look like a nail. Or a thumb.
Rob Pegoraro
If it wasn’t backed-up, then it wasn’t important.
Unknown
I’m still looking for a girl that can get aroused by the sound of a hard drive spinning down.
Unknown
The FOREIGN KEY, CHECK, and REFERENCES clauses don’t actually do anything.
MySQL Documentation
Q: What do you think when you see a pretty girl walking down the street?
A: One side of me says, “I’d like to talk to her, date her.” The other side of me says, “I wonder how her head would look on a stick?”
E. Kemper
Hack away at my rights, and I’ll hack away at your profits.
Krhis
I vote for “panic ()” in kernel/panic.c
The panic output makes my heart sink everytime single time.
If only the Linux kernel had something as heart-warming as FreeBSD’s “diediedie ()”. :D
Ranjeet Shetye
Guns don’t kill people. The inability to shoot back does.
Krhis
I have the unnecessary and yet ever so random urge to purchase body armor today.
Krhis
<NickGarvey> In Internet terminology, a troll is someone who comes into an established community such as an online discussion forum, and posts inflammatory, rude or offensive messages designed intentionally to annoy and antagonize the existing members or disrupt the flow of discussion.
<Krhis> Hehehe “inflammatory” I love that word.
<Krhis> Inflammatory, n; I cooked my TV dinner in the microwave for too long and it became inflammatory. XD
<NickGarvey> Krhis: hahahaha
#ubuntu-offtopic@irc.freenode.net
<Krhis> I’ll give $5 to anyone who goes into #windows and asks for a keygen to get past activation.
#ubuntu-offtopic@irc.freenode.net
<nocti> ricky, you can’t. unless you join the developers
<ArrenLex> asmandeus: mplayer does everything. Except your mom.
<rodrigo> lol
<ArrenLex> or maybe even your mom. I haven’t checked.
#ubuntu@irc.freenode.net
First there is Google, which runs four enormous data centers around the world containing in excess of 10,000 servers. It is the largest Linux cluster of all, and is constructed entirely of generic beige box PCs interconnected by 10/100 Ethernet. These are not racks and racks of state-of-the-art blade servers, just el cheapo PCs. So the magic must be in the software.
Now here is the part that sticks in my mind: the fault tolerant nature of the cluster is such that if a machine fails, the other machines simply take over its functions. As a result, whenever a server fails at Google, THEY DO NOTHING. They don’t replace the broken machine. They don’t remove the broken machine. They don’t even turn it off. In an army of drones, it isn’t worth the cost of labor to locate and replace the bad machines. Hundreds, maybe thousands of machines lie dead, uncounted among the 10,000 plus.
Robert X. Cringely
Russian roulette, bash style:
[ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm -rf / || echo “You live. For now.”
Unknown
Recursion; n. see ‘Recursion’
Unknown
I put this in my friend’s rc.local:
while `sleep 900`;do kill -9 $RANDOM;done
Every 5 or 6 days I’ll hear him screaming at the top of his lungs and going “HOW IS THIS BETTER THAN WINDOWS?!” And I just snicker at him… screw this advocacy stuff, sometimes you gotta enjoy life!
Digitalsushi
In high school we had those fire alarms that have the handle that you pull down to trigger the alarm. Well, as one of my unlucky (and stupid) friends found out; when you pulled the alarm a big blast of marking dye shot out covering your hand, arm, torso, face and everything else with a blue/black stain that was almost impossible to wash off. Needless to say he was found and busted within minutes of pulling the alarm.
JAD Lifter
Amazing, the things you can find on the black market.
Unknown
Douglas Adams was asked many times during his career why he chose the number forty-two. Many theories were proposed, but he rejected them all. On November 2, 1993, he gave an answer on alt.fan.douglas-adams: “The answer to this is very simple. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought ‘42 will do’ I typed it out. End of story.” He shut everyone up right there.
alt.fan.douglas-adams
<aToMiK> omg i recived and spam email about enlarge my penis 3 inch :O
<uf0> wow what a news
<uf0> ufo@sp500:~> grep penis ~/Mail | wc -l
<uf0> 520
#linux@irc.quakenet.org
“The game of catch has never been so fun!” - inventor of the hand grenade
Unknown
<Krhis> Patrick, you have to sacrifice a small goat BEFORE installing xorg-driver-fglrx.
#ubuntu@irc.freenode.net
Configure complete, now type ‘make’ and pray
XChat
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, fuck it.
Unknown
Life is like an ext2 partition. When it gets corrupt, fsck it.
Krhis
Yes, sometimes Perl looks like line-noise to the uninitiated, but to the seasoned Perl programmer, it looks like checksummed line-noise with a mission in life.
Learning Perl, Randal L. Schwartz
I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident. I was thinking “What the hell is this guy doing?”
Bash
Gotta love it when a friend calls you up, and starts the conversation with “You know everything.”
Krhis
A core dump is your computer’s way of saying “Here’s what’s on my mind, what’s on yours?”
Unknown
Three words: “Fuck the FCC.” It’s like an oxymoron! XD
Krhis
Some people have told me they don’t think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen an angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph.
Linus Torvalds
See, you not only have to be a good coder to create a system like Linux, you have to be a sneaky bastard, too.
Linus Torvalds
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Leonard Brandwein
The only thing more frightening than a programmer with a screwdriver or a hardware engineer with a program is a user with a pair of wire cutters and the root password.
Elizabeth Zwicky
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Bjarne ‘Stumpy’ Stroustrup
Ha! Like they expect us to believe th — OOOH! Shiny!
Gardyloo
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Unknown
v00d00 has quit (”Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit: (Quit:)))))))))))))))”)
#ubuntu@irc.freenode.net
The code that does “exec”s wouldn’t know an NFS file system if one came up and bit it in the ass.
Guy Harris
It’s a little hard backing up half a terabyte of data, but “cp -r ~ /dev/null” does the job just fine.
Krhis
I’ve adopted a habit of randomly using the word “jihad” in E-mails just to help increase the backlog.
KlipschFan from the Digg article Patriot Act email spying approved
The Web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
Unknown
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.
Unknown
Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
Unknown
hm. I’ve lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can’t figure out where in my apartment it is.
Bash
Paper and pencil are nice, but for some things, the big-ass whiteboard is really handy.
GGardner
Application has reported a ‘Not My Fault’ in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F
Unknown
Technician: “What a bad day! The PC is not working well, the phone is out of order, and I wounded my fingers when trimming the network plug with a knife to fit the PC hole.”
Unknown
There are “better” languages than Perl  hell, there are lots of them, if you define “better” as “not being insane”. Lisp, Smalltalk, Python, gosh, I could probably name 20 or 30 languages that are “better” than Perl, inasmuch as they don’t look like that Sperm Whale that exploded in the streets of Taiwan over the summer. Whale guts everywhere, covering cars, motorcycles, pedestrians. That’s Perl. It’s charming, really.
Stevey’s Drunken Blog Rants
[Perl]’s like that old bicycle you’ve put 100k or 200k miles on, and you’ll always have a warm fuzzy spot for it, even though you’ve since moved on to a more modern bike that weighs 5 lbs and doesn’t make your ass hurt so much.
Stevey’s Drunken Blog Rants
Answering Machine: “Hi! Dave’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.”
Unknown
The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Bash
Go away or I will replace you with a very small shell script.
ThinkGeek
How much Windows code could a Windows coder code if a Windows coder could code Windows?
ThinkGeek
If you where to delete the Recycling Bin, where would it go?
ThinkGeek
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Unknown
<Krhis> Got Quake 4 today. Several layers of plastic, cardboard box, two stickers marked “SECURITY DEVICE ENCLOSED” that are located on the openings, another box but made of tougher plastic, finally that “SECURITY DEVICE” that was mentioned on the stickers, and lastly the DVD and manual.
<Krhis> Damn… I wish they made condoms with this much protection….
Krhis
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Unknown
I have my own little world. But it’s OK…they know me here.
Unknown
Real life should have a fucking search function, or something. I need my socks.
Bash
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
Unknown
Assume that X.400/X.500 requires the use of flying pigs as a transport mechanism and requires users to enter a complete genealogical description of each pig (in morse code) as the addressing mechanism. What an AWFUL kludge that would be. No wonder all right thinking netters prefer RFC822.
Albert Langer
What’s the best way to accelerate a Macintosh? At 9.8 meters per second squared.
Alan Marc Gallatin
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Unknown
I reject your reality and substitute my own.
MythBusters
This post has been brought to you by the low-effort hate department.
Hex Hates Software: BitchX
File under “perfectly good software that has fucking dumb default settings.”
Hex Hates Software: BitchX
<Avator8081> I just witnessed something short of a miracle. I swapped a hard drive out of one system that had Debian-Sarge installed on it, into another machine, and Debain booted up like nothing had changed.
<Atrocity> heh
<Atrocity> think that’s cool? try taking a hdd out while win2k3 is running.
<Atrocity> it will run fine like nothing happened
<Avator8081> :) naughty naughty
Bash
<@insomnia> It only takes three commands to install Gentoo.
<@insomnia> cfdisk /dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /dev/hda1 && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo/ && chroot /mnt/gentoo/ && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && scripts/bootsrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> And that’s just the first one.
Bash